6 Signs of a Controlling Friend

Not every friendship is a healthy friendship. In fact, sometimes your friend might really be a bully masquerading as your friend. As hard as that might be to believe, not everyone in your life who seems friendly enough has your best interests in mind.

The best friendships are healthy and rewarding relationships. In these friendships, you bring out the best in one another, enjoy spending time together, and appreciate one another's differences.

Other times, relationships can be unhealthy and it can be draining to be friends with someone who tries to control or manipulate you. Remember, controlling people want to deceive you into believing they are your friend. In reality, the relationship is based on their attempt to control you—not on mutual respect. 

When it comes to identifying a controlling person in your life, it's important to recognize the key behaviors of controlling people early so that you can leave the relationship in the past.

Your Friend Is Demanding

If someone places unreasonable demands on you and expects you to put everything aside when they need you, that is controlling behavior. They also may want you to spend all your free time with them. Controlling people may even try to dictate what you wear, what classes you take, and who you date.

In healthy friendships, a friend respects your right to make your own decisions and is not threatened by the fact that you might do things differently. Controlling friends, on the other hand, may accuse you of not being a good friend when you do not meet their demands.

Your Friend Doesn't Respect You

Take notice if your friend doesn't respect you, makes fun of you, undermines your perceptions, or engages in name-calling.

In an unhealthy relationship, the person will tell you how you should feel rather than accepting your true feelings. Likewise, controlling people may accuse you of being too sensitive, especially when they make jokes at your expense. And they may even accuse you of being selfish if you communicate what you want or need, especially if it doesn’t meet their agenda or doesn't directly benefit them in some way.

Do not be deceived. This is not healthy. You control your emotions and feelings; your friends should respect how you feel, even if they disagree.

They Act Superior and Entitled

When someone expects or demands special treatment in a relationship, that is a sign of controlling behavior. They also may use sarcasm when speaking with you and act as if they are always right—that they know best and are smarter.

Controlling friends may talk down to you or be condescending and rude. They may even tell you that your opinions are stupid or don’t make sense. In a healthy friendship, you treat one another as equals and value your differences.

They Create Drama

Sometimes, controlling people start arguments just to argue. In other words, they like to take the opposite position. They may also display drastic mood changes or have sudden emotional outbursts.

An abusive friend might look to turn a normal conflict or disagreement into a huge offense. They may also enjoy spreading rumors and gossiping. Meanwhile, in a healthy friendship, you might argue, but it's done respectfully without trying to hurt the other person, and both people are eager to resolve your issues without harming each other emotionally.

They Are Manipulative

Manipulative people use your compassion, values, fears, and even your insecurities to control you or the situation. They also may try to manipulate and control you by making you feel guilty in order to get you to do what they want.

Another sign of a controlling and abusive friend is that they have a tendency to exaggerate your flaws and humiliate you in public. It may feel like they want to make you look bad—even if they play it off as a joke. Remember, a good friend would never want you to be embarrassed.

They Isolate You

An abusive friend may also attempt to control who your other friends are. They may also want complete control over who you spend time with and may even take your phone, read your texts and e-mails, and listen to your voicemail messages.

In a healthy relationship, a friend will honor the fact that you have other friends and obligations and, as a result, will be understanding when you cannot spend time together. In fact, spending time with different types of people is healthy for your relationship.

However, controlling people usually feel insecure and threatened when you have other friends or when you spend time with their family. So they might criticize you, your other friends, and your family members. They may even try to sabotage those relationships or use peer pressure to get you to do what they want, so that you come to believe they are your only friend or the only person that you can trust.

Cutting ties with a controlling friend can be tricky and may even expose you to more bullying before it gets better. Let someone you trust know about your challenges so they can help you end the relationship safely and healthily.