Tips for Raising Happy, Healthy Teens

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Whether they're 13 or 18, teens develop new skills and a greater sense of identity every day. Adolescence is a crucial stage when children prepare for adulthood. However, feeling on top of everything one minute only to struggle the next marks these sometimes volatile years of rapid growth and development.

While your teen may seem quite independent in many ways, they still need your guidance. When you notice your teen has challenges, take those opportunities to teach them new life skills. Also, give them plenty of chances to practice being responsible and independent. Building healthy, productive habits now can equip your teen for the future—and strengthen your bond.

tips for raising teens

Parents / Emily Roberts

Encourage Healthy Habits

Teach your teen how to take care of their bodies. Rather than set ground rules about hygiene and fitness, which can backfire by making them self-conscious or defensive, talk to them about how good self-care feels. That means emphasizing the importance of nutrition, physical activity, and sleep.

Diet and nutrition

Many adolescents don't get enough calcium, iron, zinc, and vitamin D. A well-rounded diet should help your teen get all the essential vitamins and minerals they need from food, without the need for supplements.

Teens should aim for a caloric intake that's appropriate for their age, size, and activity level. Generally, boys need about 2,800 calories per day and girls need around 2,200 calories per day.

Teens make many of their own food choices, which might mean grabbing fast food with their friends. It’s important to educate your teen about making nutrient-rich food choices and to keep the focus on health, instead of weight. Discuss the importance of fueling their body and brain. Stock the kitchen with healthy fruits and vegetables, and reserve sugary, high-fat items for an occasional treat.

"With increased focus on body image and appearance, teens may also develop patterns of eating or restricted eating related to body image concerns," explains Katie Reynolds, PsyD, a professor at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and psychologist at Children’s Hospital Colorado.

Be on the lookout for dieting and body image issues. Eating disorders often emerge during the teenage years.

Physical activity

Teens should get about 60 minutes of physical activity most days. Cardiovascular exercise—the kind that gets your heart pumping and makes you a little out of breath—is most important.

If your teen isn’t interested in joining a sports team, don’t force it. Help them find something they genuinely enjoy. If your teen isn't into organized sports, encourage them to try:

  • A daily walk or a bike ride
  • Indoor rock climbing wall/gym
  • Kayaking or paddle boarding
  • Martial arts or kickboxing class
  • Yoga

Sleep

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends teens receive between 8 and 10 hours of sleep each night. Early school start times can make it difficult for teens to get the recommended amount of sleep. Their biological clocks cause them to stay up later and sleep in longer.

Sleep Tips for Teens

Here are several ways to help your teen get enough sleep:

  • Discourage naps. Falling asleep after school can interfere with nighttime sleep.
  • Keep your teen's sleep schedule consistent. Sleeping in on the weekends or staying up too late on vacations can interrupt your teen’s biological clock. Establish a wake-up time on non-school days that is no more than one hour later than school wake-up times.
  • Talk to your teen about their nightly routine. Discuss the importance of giving themself time to unwind before going to bed.
  • Turn off electronic devices early. Shut off smartphones, laptops, and TVs at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Don't allow them to sleep with their phone in their bedroom.

Health care provider visits

Teens can continue seeing their pediatrician until they are 21. Some common reasons teens need to see a health care provider between visits include:

  • Acne
  • Asthma
  • Respiratory infections and other illnesses
  • Sports physicals

A pediatrician should check your child’s body mass index, and provide counseling on physical activity, nutrition, and sexual health.

Respect Their Socio-Emotional Journey

"Identity exploration is a social and emotional milestone that occurs during this period," says Dr. Reynolds. Teenagers' sometimes distant, self-absorbed behavior can be exasperating, but it's a normal part of development. Giving teens space and privacy while letting them know you are available for support can help strengthen your relationship.

Self-consciousness

It’s common for your teen to think the world revolves around them sometimes. In fact, they might even perceive they have an “imaginary audience" that watches and judges their every move.

The imaginary audience belief arises from the larger concept of adolescent egocentrism. In other words, teens tend to think the world revolves around them and that everyone is paying attention to how they look and what they do. This is a normal phase of social development in teens. So if they change their shirt five times before leaving school, relax; it's typical teen behavior.

Confidence and self-worth

It’s common for teens to feel like they don’t fit in. Typically, they're sensitive to criticism, says Caroline Fulton, PsyD, a child and adolescent psychologist at Northwestern Medicine Central DuPage Hospital. Their confidence will probably waiver.

For teens who aren't comfortable socially, adolescence is likely to be an especially rough time. If your teen struggles to fit in socially, consider getting professional help. Loneliness and isolation could lead to mental health problems.

Developing personal values and beliefs

As your teen matures, they will likely begin to think about their personal values. They may become invested in helping a charity or fighting for a political cause they believe in. They may question their faith or seek a different lifestyle than yours. That’s all part of the separation process as your teen becomes their own person.

"Teens are developing their identity and beliefs and learning more about who they are outside of their family system," says Dr. Fulton. "Parents should aim to give their teens some space to express themselves, while also ensuring they are meeting basic responsibilities and behaving safely." 

Stress

It’s also important to keep a close eye on your teen’s stress level. Academic issues, social problems, sports-related pressure, and preparing for the future can be overwhelming at times.

Make sure your teen isn't over-scheduled. Proactively teach your teen how to recognize when their stress level is high and show them how to cope with stress in a healthy way, such as going for a walk or calling a friend.

Time with friends vs. family

While your teen will want to spend the majority of their time with their friends, it’s important to prioritize spending some time together as a family. A monthly family fun night or weekly pizza night might be traditions you decide to keep. Additionally, eat family meals whenever you can. This can be an important way to connect with your teen on an everyday basis.

Emphasize Safety

Often, the biggest safety issue teens face is their impulsivity. Sadly, it only takes one bad decision to set a life off course.

To help guide them toward positive choices, set reasonable expectations and stick to them, says Dr. Fulton. "It’s hard to see your child be upset when you enforce a consequence or tell them they can’t do something, but having clear and predictable limits actually creates an environment of safety and predictability."

Driving

Motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death for teens in the U.S. Teens aged 16 to 19 have a much greater risk of death or injury in a car crash than any other age group.

Before your teen gets behind the wheel—or becomes a passenger with a teen driver—understand the causes of teen car crashes. Distracted driving, speed, and driver inexperience are all factors that can contribute to motor vehicle accidents in teens.

Create rules for your teen and make your expectations clear. Talk about consequences for reckless behavior, such as driving too fast or getting in the car with someone who has been drinking.

Risky behaviors

Using drugs or alcohol, sneaking out, and engaging in other risky behaviors, such as unprotected sex, also need to be discussed with your teen. "Proactive and interactive conversations about these topics are helpful for creating a gateway for these conversations to occur in the future," says Dr. Reynolds.

Bullying and violence

Bullying is also a prevalent issue for teens. According to a survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 19% of teenagers have been bullied.

Talk to your teen about how to stay safe. Discuss what to do if they're being bullied, in an abusive relationship, or how to respond if they learn of another student carrying a weapon. Talk about dating violence as well, since many acts of violence occur in romantic relationships.

Thoughts of self-harm

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for teens from 15 to 19 years of age. Approximately 7% of high school students attempt each year, according to the CDC. However, many more teens think about suicide but don’t act on it.

Suicide Resources

If you or your teen are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

While many factors contribute to suicide, loneliness, depression, family problems, and substance abuse can place a teen at especially high risk.

"While changes in mood and behavior occur during this time period, use caution not to write off all changes in behavior as 'just being a teenager.' If your child shows major changes in eating or sleeping, makes comments about death, or shows other major behavioral changes, please seek support," says Dr. Fulton.

Technology

Technology plays a huge role in the everyday lives of teenagers. It’s changed how they date, socialize, and communicate. Here are some ways to help teens make healthy and safe choices.

  • Stay up-to-date on the latest apps, social media sites, and digital devices teens are using. Your teen may be more likely to listen to your advice if you understand the platforms they use.
  • Educate teenagers about online dangers. Cyberbullies and sexual predators pose credible risks. But those aren’t the only threats your teen faces online. People may attempt to steal their identity, too. Or, they may be invited to participate in scams or fraudulent activity, without even realizing it. It’s important to educate your teen about these dangers.
  • Talk to teens about managing their online reputation. The pictures they post, memes they share, and content they like will create a permanent record of their activity. The online choices they make now could affect them for the rest of their life. College admissions officials, potential bosses, and even future romantic partners may turn to the internet to gain information about them.
  • Create clear rules for your teen’s smartphone and other electronic devices. Establish consequences for breaking the rules. While you don’t need to read every message your teen sends, monitor their online activity. Know what they're doing online and make sure they're making healthy choices.

Foster Independence

Before a teen can be successful in a job outside the house, they need to learn how to function independently in the house. This includes taking care of their own spaces and some common ones, scheduling their own appointments, and making some important ethical choices on their own.

Around the house

The teen years are a critical time for young people to practice making decisions on their own and to be given more responsibility, says Dr. Reynolds. The more responsibility they can take on now, the less they'll struggle during their transition to adulthood. 

Make sure your teen knows how to do important household tasks, like laundry and cooking basic meals.

Give your teen privileges based on their responsibility level. If they're able to show you that they can be trusted with household tasks, you’ll have more confidence that they can handle the responsibility of driving a car or being out with their friends unsupervised.

Teenage Responsibilities

By the time a teen is 18, they should:

  • Be socially responsible in their day-to-day lives and online
  • Care for their own personal hygiene and possessions
  • Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, school, and work
  • Control their emotions and interact appropriately with people
  • Earn and spend money wisely
  • Handle adult privileges like driving a car or having a bank account
  • Handle peer pressure situations like drinking, smoking, and doing drugs
  • Hold a job and work well with others in a team
  • Show compassion for other people
  • Understand that sexual activity can lead to consequences

Letting them go

Whether your teen loves music or they're into sports, support your teen's efforts to be an individual. That may mean taking a step back and realizing that your teen's job isn't to fulfill your dreams for them—their job is to reach their own dreams.

"Remember that your teen is approaching being an adult. Teaching your child to problem solve and navigate complex situations sets them up for success when you are not around," says Dr. Fulton.

Originally written by Amy Morin, LCSW

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Sources
Parents uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. 2020– 2025 dietary guidelines for Americans. 8th Edition. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and U.S. Department of Agriculture. 2020.

  2. A Teenager's Nutritional Needs. American Academy of Pediatrics. 2016.

  3. Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. 2019.

  4. Recommended Amount of Sleep for Pediatric Populations. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine. 2016.

  5. Age of driver. National Safety Council. n.d.

  6. Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2017.

  7. Deaths: Leading Causes for 2017. National Vital Statistics Reports. 2018.

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