Why Do Toddlers Hit Themselves?

It’s always hard to see toddlers upset, but it’s even worse when they are so frustrated or angry that they start hitting themselves. Usually, toddlers will hit someone else when they are angry, but sometimes they turn their frustration on themselves.

When it happens, it can be scary, but that doesn’t mean you should be overly concerned. Instead, to help your toddler when they hit themselves pay close attention to when it occurs and how the situation plays out to determine if you need to mention it to a health care provider. Typically, as children grow up, they will stop this self-harming behavior, but keep an eye out if the habit returns, as some children use the behavior as an unhealthy outlet.

Read on to learn why toddlers hit themselves, how to manage the behavior, and when to be concerned.

Reasons Toddlers Hit Themselves

A toddler will hit themselves due to their inability to verbalize their wants or needs, combined with their struggle to navigate their environment successfully, overall it can be a recipe for a temper tantrum. Experiencing pain and having a limited way of expressing it can be another reason you might notice toddlers hitting themselves.

Frustration

If they have a low tolerance for frustration, your toddler may hit themselves as a way of expressing their exasperation. If you notice this happening, take note of any triggers that led to the tantrum. Perhaps you said no to something your child really wanted to do, or maybe they were simply over-tired and hungry. Common causes of temper tantrums in toddlers include:

• Being tired
• Hunger
• Pain
• Illness
  

Once you recognize a pattern or a trigger that leads to your toddler hitting themselves, you may be able to prevent problems before they start—just be sure to intervene before the fists start flying.

Pain

Another explanation for toddlers suddenly hitting themselves is that they may be in physical pain. For instance, toddlers who hit themselves on the side of the head may have an ear infection. Meanwhile, babies who are teething may also hit themselves at times to cope with the pain in their gums. Sometimes, hitting can be self-soothing.

Pay attention to where they are hitting themselves. Sometimes, kids are trying to communicate where it hurts. Depending on the source of the pain, you may be able to treat your child at home. If you are uncertain what is causing the pain, however, you may want to visit a health care provider.

How to Manage Toddlers Hitting Themselves

When parents are unable to prevent their toddlers from hitting themselves, there are effective ways to handle the temper tantrums.

• Create a safe environment: When kids find multiple ways to hurt themselves—such as banging their heads against the wall—move them or the objects out of reach. You also can give them something to hold, such as a teddy bear to squeeze or a sippy cup full of water to drink.
  Provide assistance: For instance, wrapping your arms around them in a bear hug to prevent them from hitting themselves is an option. This action can be comforting and might be enough to calm your toddler down and stop the self-injury. The goal is to create a safe, loving environment for kids to soften the pain or frustration that they're feeling.
• Speak calming words: Telling kids that they are safe and that you are there for them can be another tactic to soothe a fussy toddler. Although it is tempting to try to reason with toddlers or lecture them on their behavior, now’s not the time. It’s more important to focus on calming them and reducing their risk of being harmed. Once the moment has passed, you can start working on teaching your toddler healthy ways to express frustration. You might start by talking about how to identify and verbalize feelings, saying, “I can see that you’re feeling really mad.” When kids know you recognize their frustration or anger, they may be less likely to show you how upset they are and stop hitting themselves. Teaching "feeling words" also sets the stage for your child to begin learning healthy anger management skills throughout the preschool years.
  

When to Be Concerned

When toddlers are hitting themselves on a regular basis and it’s not connected to a temper tantrum or acute pain, the habit can be especially concerning. Sometimes, self-injury may be associated with autism or intellectual or developmental disability.

Here are some signs that warrant a trip to a health care provider:

• Sings of autism or disability: In addition to hitting themselves, children with autism may scratch, pinch, or bite themselves or bang their heads. Like children who are coping with pain, children with developmental disabilities may find self-injury to be self-soothing. Rhythmic head-banging, for example, provides vestibular stimulation. Vestibular stimulation is when certain movements help your body balance and know where it is in space. Vestibular stimulation involves activities that help the inner ear and brain sense movement and balance, like spinning, swinging, or jumping.
• Your child injures themselves: It's also concerning when children are causing physical damage to themselves. If they are hitting themselves so hard they are leaving bruises or marks or they are causing other injuries to themselves, see a health care provider.
• You're concerned about speech delay: For toddlers who are a little bit older, the extreme frustration of not being able to express themselves might be a result of a speech delay.

When in doubt, it’s always best to get your toddler evaluated by a health care provider to rule out any potential medical conditions or developmental delays. They might recommend additional screening to determine what’s going on, but a visit may also just give you peace of mind. In the meantime, just focus on trying to keep the hitting to a minimum and helping your child find other ways to communicate frustration.